Holiday Watershed PARODIEs
(corrupted from Traditional Christmas Carols 
and Holiday poems)

by Sustainable Environments Editor, Rebecca Buerkett

2008 - Joy to the Streams
2007 - Stopping by Streams on a Rainy Evening
2006 - Deck the Streams

2005 - O Stormwater
2004 - Dashing through the watershed
2003 - 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, and All Through the Watershed

2008 - Joy to the Streams!
Sung with exuberance to the tune of the traditional Christmas carol, Joy to the World

Joy to the World, our stream is clean!

Let Earth receive our stormwater!

Let every city prepare their ordinances

So rivers and nature sing!

So rivers and nature sing!

So rivers and lakes and nature sing!

 

We'll keep it clean, with buffers and filters.

That stormwater can't pass.

The glory of sustainability!

And wonders of BMPs,

And wonders of BMPs,

And wonders and wonders of BMPs!

 

2007 - Stopping by Streams on a Rainy Evening
A Parody of Robert Frost's Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose streams these are I think I know,

The watershed's a mess now, though.

I wish they'd stabilize these banks,

And plant some trees to ease the flow.

 

I cannot help but find it queer:

Runoff without a filter near!

Between the parking lot and stream

The rainiest evening of the year.

 

I give my sorry head a shake,

And ask if there is some mistake:

The stormflow runs across the road,

And sediment spills from stream to lake.

 

The pools are lovely, dark and deep,

But riffles clogged and banks too steep,

So cleanup plans I hope to keep,

Lest banks become a garbage heap,

And floods the downstream reaches sweep.

And floods the downstream reaches sweep.

2006 - Deck the Streams
Sung apologetically to the tune of "Deck the Halls"

Deck the streams with lots of green, Fa la la la la la la la la
Trees and shrubs will keep them clean, Fa la la la la la la la la
Willow twigs build hearty buffers, Fa la la la la la la la la
So our watershed won't suffer, Fa la la la la la la la la.

See the flowing streams before us, Fa la la la la la la la la
Thanks for helping to restore us, Fa la la la la la la la la
BMPs can make a difference, Fa la la la la la la la la
Stormwater is blocked by silt fence, Fa la la la la la la la la

Fast away the runoff passes, Fa la la la la la la la la
Over fields but slowed by grasses, Fa la la la la la la la la
Streambanks holding strong together, Fa la la la la la la la la
Regardless of the rainy weather, Fa la la la la la la la la

2005 - O Stormwater
Coarsely Adapted from the traditional German Carol "O Christmas Tree" 
O stormwater, O stormwater, how swiftly are ye flowing.
O stormwater,  O stormwater, we aim to heed thy going.
You infiltrate into the ground
When we leave trees a' standing round.
O stormwater, O stormwater, thy velocity is slowing!

O stormwater, O stormwater, with BMPs we treat thee.
O stormwater, O stormwater, our rain gardens deplete thee.
With wetlands, ponds, and roofs so green,
No sediment plumes to be seen.
O stormwater, O stormwater, our check dams rise to meet thee.

O stormwater, O stormwater, no illicit discharging.
O stormwater, O stormwater, our open space enlarging.
Our neighborhoods now habitat,
Low-impact design helps make sure that,
O stormwater, O stormwater, our groundwater's recharging!

2004 - Dashing through the Watershed

(Best sung in a Streisand-esque nasally voice to the tune of “Jingle Bells”)  

Dashing through the watershed

On a well-kept gravel road

Noting as we pass

The stormwater flow has slowed

 

A rainbarrelneath each roof,

Manure neatly stored,

Rainwater being infiltrated

Even when it pours!

 

Oh, watershed, watershed, every day and night

Nutrients and sediments are treated on the site!

Watershed, watershed, the streambanks are so stable

Replacing leaky septic systems whenever we are able!

 

A day or two ago

I thought I’d take a ride

Past the constructed wetlands

With E&S controls along the side.

 

The farm fields nicely vegetated,

And streambanks neatly fenced,

Parking lots with filter strips,

And the buffers were immense!

 

Oh, watershed, watershed, waters clean and clear

New stormwater BMPs make runoff disappear!

Watershed, watershed, now we can enjoy

Swimming in the lakes again, with each little girl and boy!

Hey!

2003 - 'Twas The Night Before Christmas, and All Through the Watershed
(with apologies to Clement C. Moore, and anyone who is overly concerned with rhyme and meter)
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the watershed
Not a creature was stirring, they’d all gone to bed
The river was nestled all snug in her banks
Not a sign of erosion, most definitely thanks
To the citizens who spent their time planting the trees
And the native wildflowers that attracted the bees

When out near the lake there arose such a clatter
A deer raised its head to see what was the matter
It was merely a dog barking to get loose
And chase away a resident Canada goose.

The lake, how it shimmered.
The water, how clean.
Its hypolimnion well-aerated
The TSI value a dream.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But signs all around me of people who care.
Shoreline homeowners maintaining their septics
Farmers ensuring their streambanks have fences.
Well-maintained buffers planted with trees
Townships installing their own BMPs.

Infiltration! Bioretention!
Sand filters and more,
To keep the stormwater
From reaching the shore!
With a staff gage in place at the monitoring station,
And the permits acquired for wetland restoration.

I marveled to myself, as I surveyed at the scene
Thank goodness, no algae will turn THIS lake green!